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It's not real, stop what you are doing and move on. Do what I do and never write music. Create somthing that is the sonic representation of how you are feeling at that moment. Make it for you and only you because no one else will ever truely feel what you felt but every time you listen to it you will remember that feeling and it will make sence no matter how terrible it is. Hell,, someday someone may even enjoy it....... But who cares.